We believe that the world will end on Mother's Day and to be safe we must be in the grand canyon, standing on heads, eating twinkies. Twinkies are the sacred food and are to be eaten every day, doing this will grant you passage to the afterlife. Also, every day you must pray to the god Notnerb. To properly pray, you must be standing on your head and eating a twinkie. For praying you will be rewarded with frequent flyer miles and other awesome prizes. If that does not interest you, you will lose weight. For standing on your head and becoming one with the Earth, you will achieve immortality. We also believe that the Grand Canyon was created by aliens that landed on Earth millions of years ago. That's when life began, millions of years ago when aliens landed, and creatures came up to the center of the Earth through the crack to mate with them. THAT'S how the human race was created. Don't believe any of the evolving junk. This is it, the truth.
There is one sin... you should NEVER eat one or more pretzels on a Wednesday. If you do, you will gain weight and mysterious lose all your frequent flyer points. If you see someone eating pretzels, they must be shunned.
